Response to Cole's Story

This seems to be a coming-of-age story. The narrator is an affected, artificial young man who goes on a trip with his friend, but his attempts to be “manly” go horribly wrong.

I loved the banter between Connor and the narrator, though I think more of it might improve the story. The narrator’s dialogue is artificial, but it works—he sounds like he’s trying to talk like someone else. I like the comedic aspect, too. And even though the story seems to be an argument against artificiality and conformity, you do a good job of avoiding the mawkish after school special feel. Your message is not at all forced. The relationship between Connor and the narrator works well, as well.

I felt like the summary and explanation drowned out everything else. The dialogue was pretty sharp, but there wasn’t enough of it. I get the sense that the narrator is a little insecure, a little needy, but I would much rather see that in his actions and words than in soliloquies. Integrating the narrator’s personality with the plot might improve the story, as well. The narrator’s insecurity doesn’t do much to drive the plot.

 I think it would help to add some complexity to the characters. It’s clear that the narrator basically wants to be The Most Interesting Man in the World, but why?

The story started to early and ended to soon. I was disappointed when I turned the page and found out that “And that is how I burned down a Wisconsin ice fishing cabin” was the last line. The story was starting to engage me. For the first time, there were serious consequences. Were the prosecuted? Stranded? Did they go on the lam?

            While the buddy relationship between Connor and the narrator works well, I think playing it up would improve the story. Most of the plot revolves around them being together, but I never got a particularly clear idea of what they thought of each other.  It was clear they liked each other, but it seemed that they were rivals to a certain extent, as well. Clarifying and expanding their relationship might be a good idea.