Response to "Where to Start"?

“Where to Start” describes the protagonist’s strained relationship with his parents. He feels smothered by them and resents their willingness to lie to keep him sheltered. I like the change the narrator undergoes during the story. He changes from being vaguely angry with his parents to having a specific grievance with them, but more importantly has a specific course of action he wants to take in order to oppose them. I like the narrator’s voice. He possesses a very adolescent sense of outrage. It was just right for his age. Developing the narrator’s relationship with his parents might improve the story. Right now, it seems like the parents’ sheltering is as much about self-indulgence as it is about protection, which is really interesting, but it only gives us a glimpse at the parents. You had me wanting to see more of them. They felt a little too villainous. All the mother does is smother the narrator and make him clean the basement, while the father’s sole contribution is to watch television. I felt like the story ended too soon. I wanted to see what would happen when the narrator directly opposed his parents. I also wanted to know why they lied to him, specifically, and what motivated them to home school him, other than the father’s vanity. Did the narrator’s grandfather disapprove of his daughter’s heavy-handed parenting? Is that why he gave the narrator the car?

            Sometimes the tone did not feel quite right. The narrator seemed a little worldly for a socially isolated homeschool student, and the grandfather’s message to him did not seem very natural.

           

Response to "Safe"

“Safe” describes Alexandra dealing with her own fearful nature, which she acquired from her mother. She also encounters a home invader, who turns out to be her father. Violation is a major theme of the story—it is present in her father’s breaking into her home, as well as his sexual interest in her. Fear also plays an important role in the story, as Alexandra has to overcome her desire to shrink back from the whole situation, which requires action.

I liked Alexandra’s confiding tone when she talked about her family’s past. You conveyed Alexandra’s paralyzing fear well. The image of her falling asleep while too terrified to move revealed a great deal about her character. I also had a good understanding of Alexandra’s resentment towards her mother and father. Her mother in particular seems to shadow much of her actions. The father is just disturbing. You communicate that to the reader very well. Him calling her “little one” was pretty upsetting, but was effective.

The story begins with a great deal of summary. I think the information could be conveyed more effectively by integrating it into the action of the story. Flashback might also work well. The father plays an important role in the story, but we only see him in situations where his personality is not apparent. This could give us more insight into his motives. Alexandra clearly never liked him very much, but she thought enough of him to call him after being attacked. I was never sure why he wanted to rape her.

I was unsure of Twinkle’s role in the story. I think she is a good addition to the story—I liked how Alexandra drew so much comfort from her—but you spend a fair amount of time talking about her, only to remove her from the story once the action begins. Does Twinkle’s disappearance ultimately spark Alexandra’s decision to fight back, or does it take away her will to fight?

Also, what happens for the hour and a half between Alexandra’s retreat and her father’s appearance? Does he wait by the front door? Does he watch her sleep?

Once in a Lifetime

Though Lahiri makes use of the first person, the narrator addresses another character in the second throughout the story. This creates a certain amount of familiarity or intimacy with both the narrator and her childhood companion, counteracting the fact that her friend has little dialogue and performs few actions within the story.

Lahiri does not follow a traditional plot structure. There is no climactic argument between Hema’s passively resentful parents and their breezily modern guests. However, much of the tension arises from misunderstanding between the two pairs. For the most part, this tension is never resolved. Hema’s parents never discover the truth, and the other source of conflict within the story, Hema’s attitude toward her childhood friend, does not ever provide any closure. All of this gives the piece a vague, anxious feel, which mirrors the atmosphere of Hema’s home.

Neither Hema nor Kaushik possess particularly noticeable personalities. Hema’s voice is dispassionate and somewhat melancholic, while Kaushik’s character is barely represented at all. However, the personalities of their parents are clear; Hema’s mother is conservative, fretful, and a little judgmental, while Kaushik’s parents are indulgent and active. Lahiri disregards the idea that protagonists should be active—Hema merely observes the consequences of other people’s decisions.

"The Bleep and Blips of Life"

            “The Bleeps and Blips of Life” describes the narrator dealing with the illness of her father, as well as her fraught relationship with her sister and mother. It also addresses the narrator’s struggle to decide what to do with her father.

            I liked how the various elements of the story fit together—the narrator’s resentment towards her sister makes her automatically resist her suggestion to halt life support. Similarly, her close relationship with her father, sparked by difficulties with her sister and mother, makes his death all the more difficult. I like the use of flashbacks. They were integrated well and they added a lot of emotional impact and context to the narrator’s suffering. The story is engaging. Even when you have a large amount of information summarized, the story does not slow down. I liked that the narrator’s attitude toward her sister was a combination of resignation and anger. It was telling when she mentioned Karen’s “complete adoration of Mom.”

            The title does not feel appropriate for the story. Also, giving more detail about the narrator outside of this situation might be helpful. Has her career or family interfered with her relationship with her father? Has her resentment of her father’s illness or her bad family relationships interfered with other aspects of her life? Her relationship with her father is believable, but we do not see too much of her life beyond that. However, the mother’s attitude towards the narrator seems a little too harsh. Why does she like Karen so much more? Why doesn’t Karen recognize her mother’s favoritism? Did the narrator’s father resent her mother for her attitudes? What led to the divorce, specifically? Is the narrator’s father as saintly as she thinks he is? Maybe Karen has some knowledge or insight that the narrator lacks. Sometimes, the amount of summary feels distracting. It doesn’t feel artificial, just a little overwhelming. It might be conducive to replace all of the summary with flashbacks that convey the same information.

           

"Password Protected"

“Password Protected” describes Julia, the narrator, dealing with the death of her brother. It focuses on social media’s ability to both connect and disengage people, as the narrator used Facebook to keep in touch with her brother when he was alive, but after his death uses it to enable her passive and escapist tendencies. The story also examines the effects of disease and loss on families. Julia seems lost without her brother.

            I really liked Julia as a character. While she clearly cares about her brother and was appalled by the Facebook suicide, she still possesses faults. After all, she didn’t help the person about to kill themselves, despite her apparent concern, and she seems much more interested in the Internet than in reality. I also liked her desire for privacy, especially since she is so interested in the lives of other people. It could be worthwhile to play this up more. I also liked the change Julia undergoes is not necessarily positive. Thomas’ death has left her much more disengaged. I like that the story moves along consistently, even though Julia is using a computer. The flashbacks work well.

            I think more tension might help this piece. Julia’s character engaged me, but she did not seem much different at the end of the story as she did at the beginning, and there is not much visible contrast between flashback-Julia and present-Julia. The suicide note feels like the main conflict, but the story does not spend too much time on it. It seems like Julia’s passivity would conflict with her own experiences with death, but she denies any ability to help the note-writer at all.

Having more flashbacks with Thomas could improve the story. We get see his relationship with Julia, but I never felt like I had a solid insight into his personality. Adding more detail to Thomas would make his death more meaningful and let us understand Julia’s mourning. Also, seeing Julia and Thomas interact with their parents could give us some more perspective on the effects of his illness on the family.