Response to "A Different Place"

In “A Different Place”, the family of the narrator suffers a car accident in Costa Rica. They are all injured, and Derrick, a friend of the family, dies in surgery afterward. It deals with the narrator struggling to understand the accident; he has a hard time seeing his father as vulnerable, and he does not know how to treat Derrick’s wife.     I like the dialogue. It seems natural while still being interesting to read. You do a great job of the narrator’s inability to grasp the situation. I could really see his helplessness. I liked the narrator’s familiarity with the places and characters of the story. He really seems to know Stephanie and Derrick, and he seems to be pretty used to traveling, which I thought was a nice touch. It might be a good idea to expand on why the family travels so much. They seem pretty affluent, though you handle it deftly. Overall, the story was clear. I had a solid grasp of what was going on, and I was never distracted by large chunks of exposition or unclear dialogue.

Adding conflict might be a good idea. Does the narrator resent his father or Derrick even though he shouldn’t? Has the accident made him fearful in ways he was not before? How bas the accident affected his personal life? While his suffering is apparent, parts of his personality are not, and it might be a good idea to develop his voice and personality more. Maybe play up the change to the narrator over the course of the story, as well. While he goes to a state of happiness to a state of distress and sorrow, this change happens fairly early in the story, and doesn’t change too much.

            I was not entirely clear on the relationships between the characters. I am not sure who Ms. Stephanie is, and I had to go back and see if Robin was the step-mother.  Also, the introductory paragraph felt out of place.  It doesn’t seem to be in the same narrative style as the rest of the piece.