Response to "Swiss Cheese"

“Swiss Cheese” describes Brett, an intern at a hospital whose mother was murdered. It focuses on loss, cruelty, and depravity—Brett’s mother was murdered, and she encounters an abused, would-be suicide and murderer while working in the hospital.

I like the change Brett undergoes over the course of the story. She is acquiescent in the beginning of the story, but her exposure to Jack makes her more resolute, and she becomes somewhat menacing. However, I was curious about the aftermath of Jack’s death. Not in terms of legality, but in how Brett reacted emotionally to it. The section of the story where Brett dreams about her mother’s death is awesome. It was outright chilling and conveyed genuine horror.

Some of the characters seemed a little artificial, Jack in particular. Brett’s decision bothered me a lot less than it should have, just because Jack was so monstrous. It might be a good idea to make her decision to help Jack kill himself more morally ambiguous. If he were not on death row or if he committed a crime of passion and regretted it and Brett helped him die anyway, I think that the stakes would be higher. Also, it is hard to believe in someone so malicious. I had a hard time thinking of him as an actual person, even with his history of suffering abuse. Brett’s boss also stuck out. I do not know much about the medical field, but forcing an intern to watch a convicted murderer after a lengthy surgery seems excessive, especially considering Brett’s mother. What were her boss’ motivations?

            I felt overwhelmed by your word choice sometimes. You use many metaphors and a great quantity of adjectives. They are distracting, and the most effective part of your story, where Brett dreams about her mother’s murder, doesn’t really use them.

            I wanted to see more of Anna. She seemed to be a source of support and stability for Brett, but she plays only a small role in the story.